Did you ever have the experience of being in an emotionally abusive relationship, and -if so- how did you come to value yourself and let the asshole go? Any advice for those of us trying to shed a human toxin?
Sadly, yes I have, but happily that means I can help you out. I was led to believe I wasn't good at anything. It took its toll on me in just the first two weeks of our marriage. How I lasted 10 years I'll never know. 10 years of hearing, "You didn't fold my socks right. There is dust on the table. Why did you put the glass in the sink? Yep, it started to get ridiculous about what I wasn't good at, including, but not limited to, my blow jobs. That was it for me. You cant insult something that near and dear to me. Thats when I said "fuuuucckkk you!" Im leaving and taking half of everything with me. We had 2 kids, so I left one.
All kidding aside, I guess I would ask you why you want to stay? Something is keeping you there or you would be gone. We all get to a breaking point and it sounds like yours is getting closer. This man must think very little of himself to feel like he has to make himself bigger at your expense. You never, ever deserved that treatment, my lamb. Something is wrong with him, not you.
Time to change your name to Lorena Bobbitt
(hope you know who she is) and cut him down to size by lifting yourself up. Its up to you to make the change or change will never happen. When you are really ready the impulse to leave will be so strong you won't be able to not go. At that point you will have chosen yourself. But remember you take yourself with you where ever you go including another relationship. So make sure YOU have done the work (aka much deserved healing) on yourself before you get all caught up again or you may end up in the same perDICKament.
Deep down you know what you want to do. You don't need me to tell you that you're worth more. You don't need me to tell you to listen to your inner voice. The voice that is always right. What is your inner voice yelling in your ear?
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Figuring It Out
I love my husband and want to be married to him for the rest of my life. We're very compatible and he's truly my best friend (that I also still want to have sex with!). But I'm nervous about that fading over time. Any advice for keeping the fire alive as we navigate the next (hopefully) several decades together?
Fanning the Flames
First let me congratulate you. You still want to have sex with your husband. Wow! That's wonderful.
However keeping the fire going over decades is impossible. Sorry. But there is some good news! If you're lucky, your man will love and protect you even more. So keep on keeping on fanning until the inevitable happens. It sneaks up on you. But before it does try these 5 tips:
1. Have the same fantasy
2. Act out the fantasy
3. Act it out in as many ways as possible
4. Make sure he can help you have that mind blowing
orgasm (Wait, move that to #1)
5. You and your husband have fun discussing 1~3 and you have fun with #4!
One of my husbands had this fantasy about two women. He got lucky because that was also mine. But my girl wanted me and so did he. I'm very free when it comes to sex. I love it to this day. But I'm not married so I should have the tingle for a long time. Just kidding!
There is no reason my flaming furry that with a little imagination you will do amazing things. Now go forth and feel the burn!
~* Have any burning questions for Sheilah? Send her your ?s: firstname.lastname@example.org *~
Meet Sheilah: our pot-smoking, straight-talking, completely uncertified advice columnist. From seasoning humor into a cooking column, to pitching NBC game shows, Sheilah's always had a way with words. She's discovered her calling of helping others heal, through massage and writing this column. Sprinkling wisdom upon Icon readers saved her from living a boring, damp life. Sheilah is the proud mother of 2, grandmother of 3, and lives in California with her beloved yorkie, Max.