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Dear Sheilah: On Painful Politics

Dear Sheilah,

Since I was about 25 (I'm 38 now), my mom and I have had differing political beliefs. We've always respectfully disagreed but it's gotten drastically worse in the past 6 months. We argue a lot now. At one point, she was constantly Facebook tagging me onto her political memes in attempts to prove that she's right and I'm wrong. I called her immediately and asked her to please stop, which she did. My mom is a loving mom, but, lately, I'm not sure why she's so insistent in proving me wrong. When we catch up on the phone, it ends up being about politics. How do I get across to her that I'm happy to listen to her but don't plan on comprising what I believe in? I've tried but we both end up clutching to our own belief systems.


Painful Politics

Dear Painful Politics,
My, oh my, I bet there's quite a few folks having the same conversations right now! Even being the shy woman that I am (surprising, right?), I've had a few political spars.
I realize you've tried to let your Mom know how energy-draining these conversations have gotten. From what you described, it's obvious that the talks with your mom aren't creating a feeling of love or acceptance.
Maybe you can try this (disclaimer: it's showered with a level of guilt that a Mom would use): "Mom, we might never have the same viewpoints. But let's get back to our loving mother/daughter bond. (Here's the guilt part) If I died tomorrow, wouldn't you feel awful about our arguing? I know I would. So let's hug to more respectful conversations when it comes to our beliefs and politics. Deal?"
In general, I would steer clear of any conversations that drain you. After awhile, the Energy Vampires will be weeded out. Speaking of weed, now would be an excellent time to "smoke em if you got em!"
Now go love your Mommy to bits!
PS - My Mother passed when I was 15. Go make awesome memories together!


Dear Sheilah,

I'm 65, recently single, and am looking to date again! Where does a woman of my age meet potential dates? Should I do those online sites? Or do you recommend speed dating? What's the best way for a single silver-haired vixen to reconnect with the dating world? Thank you Dearest Sheilah!


Single & Ready to Mingle

Oooo-la-la, Ms. Vixen,
Just by calling yourself that I know you have some oats to sow! Dating sites will definitely get you back in the game. However, you might wanna just date but they may wanna just mate.
When I'm on a dating site, I find myself scouring through so many profiles and photos of suitors for hours and hours. But when I finally see a picture of a potential man, I send him a nudge. Once, after just two email conversations, this man wanted to call me. I was ok with that. If I didn't like his voice, I could scratch him off the list. 
His voice was ok and the conversation passable. I made a date for coffee. I knew I could excuse myself if it wasn't going well.
You know how everyone says "he didn't look like his picture." Well, it is shockingly true. With the first hello, I knew he wasn't for me. He was sweet, but looking for longterm love. I wasn't.
As for me, I am quite happy having a FWB (friend with benefits). Love 'em...then call them an Uber.
Speed dating can be fun. You can learn a lot about a person in 5 minutes . I looked at it as an experiment of how many men would talk about sex. It turns out quite a few. Not all of 'em though (I don't want to discourage you). The moral of this story is: if you see a guy you're attracted to, get your flirt on! Even if it's in the market. I once met a gorgeous guy at a Baskin Robbins ice cream shop. 
But remember, I am a love-em-and-leave-em kind of woman. And I like my men in their 40s. It's easy when all you want is sex. They're everywhere. But enough about me and my escapades. (Although if you want to read more, let me know. I have way too many stories to share!)
Back to your question, V. You can go to a golf course driving range. The men there are always willing to give you pointers. And if you hook up with a serious golfer, you might be traveling with them to tournaments during the weekends.
Or, take a class you're interested in. If you meet someone at, say, an evening art class, at least you know you have one thing in common. And if no men are there, at least you've learned how to paint.
My advice to you, beautiful sensuous Vixen, is let the Universe know what you want. Just go do your thing (whatever it might be) and have fun. Trust me, the dates will just show up!
Let Hunting Season Begin!


Dear Sheilah,

I recently had a falling out with one of my closest friends. I know that people come and go in your life and sometimes friendships happen to dissipate, but I'm curious about what your feedback would be for coping this loss? This friend and I had so many wonderful times together and we built great memories for 5 years until recently. We mutually discovered that we don't have anything in common anymore and can't stand each other, tbh. Because I've got a huge gaping hole in my heart, I've attempted to salvage this by apologizing and owning up to my mistakes, leveraging the deep love I will always have for her, and reaching out on many occasions to try and talk. Neither outreach has been reciprocated and now I need to heal and move on. How do I fill the void while also keeping my dignity?


Friends not forever?

Dear FF,
I lost a dear friend because I didn't call her on News Years Eve, a tradition we held for 10 years. I didn't call because I was in Australia at the time. No excuse, I know.
She never spoke to me again except for once to tell me how hurt she was. I apologized profusely. When she didn't accept it, I knew she was really never a true friend. Sounds like yours was a conditional friend too.You said after 5 years you discovered you had nothing in common anymore and that you couldn't stand each other. If it really is a case of mutual contempt that's easy. Why the gaping hole? After the no response the first time, you were off the emotional hook. You have a clear conscience. It sounds like you really don't miss her, just what she represented: love, friendship, and a confidant.
Don't let her rent space in your head anymore. Not worth the time or energy. Just remember what you couldn't stand about her if she creeps in.
As for that hole in your heart, I found that the best way to fill it is with a puppy. You can never be sad around a puppy. All the things you think you miss will be given back 100 times.

~* Have any burning questions for me? Send 'em! dearsheilah@iconundies.com *~

Meet Sheilah: our pot-smoking, straight-talking, completely uncertified advice columnist. From seasoning humor into a cooking column, to pitching NBC game shows, Sheilah's always had a way with words. She's discovered her calling of helping others heal, through massage and writing this column. Sprinkling wisdom upon Icon readers saved her from living a boring, damp life. Sheilah is the proud mother of 2, grandmother of 3, and lives in California with her beloved yorkie, Max.

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