You Do You

Dear Sheilah: On (Mom)umental (Mom)ents

Dear Sheilah,

My wife and I (yes, we're a lesbian couple) are looking to adopt this year after being together for 7 years. We're nervous, scared, and also really hopeful and excited. What's the single most important advice you have for soon-to-be mamas?


Double Mom Magic

Dear Double Mama,

I am so happy for the two of you! After 7 years, you must really know each other and are hopefully on the same parenting page. I took the liberty of asking 3 women your question. I think you will appreciate their advice too!

Traci, 45 says hold that precious baby as long and as often as you want! Don't worry about spoiling him/her. Before you know it, they will no longer be a precious little baby. You won't even see it coming. 

Wendy, 49 says teach her from an early age how to be a problem solver. She also says to teach her how to be a good and reasonable listener. There's an old saying "no matter how flat a pancake is there are always two sides."

Kaitzer, 51 is a Professor of Child Development. She says each stage brings its own challenges. That's why patience is a virtue.

As for my single most important advice, keep each other first. It's easy to drift apart because so much energy and attention goes to that little creature. Remember one day that kid will be gone. Where will you two be? Hopefully not in double trouble.




Dearest, coolest, Sheilah, 

Soooo...this might be a crazy question but here goes...how do I get my mom to feel comfortable about using marijuana for her ailments? I know you've mentioned before that you use medical marijuana because you live in Cali, where it's legal. I live in Colorado so it's legal here too. I mostly use it to help calm my nerves and anxiety. It's better for me than Klonopin or Zoloft (makes my anxiety worse) to be honest. My mom has been experiencing excruciating pain after her knee replacement surgery and hates the idea of taking powerful painkillers often. I know she was a free spirit (aka pot-smoking hippie) back in the day. Now, since marijuana has been so stigmatized, she feels like she shouldn't partake. But, she's joking about me making her "special brownies, "I think she's hinting that she wants to use it to cope with her pain from the surgery. Do you have any pointers on how I can invite her toke with me without it being awkward for her?


Herbaceous Healer

Dear Herbaceous,

What a caring daughter you are for wanting to help your Mom relieve her pain! When I had my surgery, my girls were the same way. They just didn't have to convince me to partake. And Klonopin yikes...no one should be on that! Good girl for toking instead.

I agree, it does sounds like our little flower child is hinting. It also sounds like she does not want to inhale so Alice B Tokeless it is! Since she already mentioned a brownie, let's go with that. Please remember edibles work differently than smoking bud. They can be quite tasty so watch the dosage. Just a tiny bit should do the trick. Indica is the type that will relax her whole body. It takes awhile to kick in so don't let Mom have more until you know how she reacts.

My advice would be to show her some clinical trials on how Indica Marijuana relieves pain. There is a wealth of well-researched information online. Maybe after she reads how fantastic it is for pain relief and how it relaxes the entire body she might be willing to eat a little bite!

Speaking of bites, the other night I was feeling a little experimental. I had a chocolate mint weed laced candy bar. I have eaten it many times but usually only eat the dosage recommended on the package. You guys out there in Iconland know that I am not shy about sharing my experiences and this one is a doozy. I ate a double dose! (Please do not try this at home.) 

When it kicked in, my legs were like jello and my body was tingling. Somehow I managed to crawl onto the floor. Because I knew it would wear off in an hour or two, I didn't panic. I just laid there drifting with my eyes closed. All of a sudden I felt so good I could barely stand it or stand for that matter. I crawled over to my "Toy Chest." Inside my "Toy Chest", there are a plethora of goodies for whatever mood I'm in 😉. And there he was, just waiting patiently for me. Mr. Right who has never done me wrong. Together we managed to find an outlet. As I took his little prongs in my anxious hand, my body was quivering with anticipation. Just waiting to hear the romantic sound of his buuuuzzzzzzzz. After several hundred tries to plug him in, I just couldn't figure out which way the plug went. I was laughing and crying at the same time. I thanked Mr. Right for trying, kissed him, and fell asleep. The moral of this story is: only eat the dosage recommended and make sure your Mr. Right is battery-operated.

Back to you, Herbaceous. Let Mommy know you would never give her anything that would hurt her in anyway. After she reads the testimonies and research, I'm sure she will be ready to partake. The two of you can share a tiny bit of brownie, drink some tea, and take a nap.

Please let me know how it goes.




Dear Ms. Sheilah,

You recently wrote about losing your mom at 15. So sorry for your loss. My mom just passed away a month ago. She had been fighting cancer for almost two years. I'm much older than 15 but losing her has been so rough on me emotionally. I miss our long phone calls the most. What can I do to help with this painful grieving process?


Missing Mama 

My heart goes out to you Missing Mama. Yes, it is a painful process. But it is just that, a process. You have to go through it until one day you don't. Everyone's time is different.

Even though I lost my Mom at an early age, it was my Father's passing that nearly killed me. For at least a year, my stomach burned. Night and day. Doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me. It was just the way my process was going to be. One day out of the blue while shopping, I bursted out crying. Out of NO WHERE. But we all know it was my grief needing to get out. Hopefully you will wake up one day soon and your pain will be gone.

I used to talk to my Father out loud. It was comforting to me. And I always seemed to get an answer from him. Remember though, you have to be present to recognize where it's coming from. One time I got answer from a newscaster on TV.

You'll get there. Don't rush yourself. And don't be hard on yourself either. Sometimes we think we should be over it by a certain time.

For you my dearest one, you thankfully had your mom long enough to have wonderful memories. Take comfort in all your warm and loving phone calls and knowing how much you two loved each other. Delight in the things you see in yourself that are just like your wonderful Mom.

And remember, if you're in the market and you start crying for no apparent reason, there really is a reason. I hope I helped you in some small way.



~* Have any burning questions for me? Send 'em! dearsheilah@iconundies.com *~

Photo credit: iStock.com/Portra

Meet Sheilah: our pot-smoking, straight-talking, completely uncertified advice columnist. From seasoning humor into a cooking column, to pitching NBC game shows, Sheilah's always had a way with words. She's discovered her calling of helping others heal, through massage and writing this column. Sprinkling wisdom upon Icon readers saved her from living a boring, damp life. Sheilah is the proud mother of 2, grandmother of 3, and lives in California with her beloved yorkie, Max.

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