You Do You

Dear Sheilah: On Grooming

Dear Sheilah,

I really hate getting my hair cut/done and my nails done (weird, I know). Is there a way I can still feel feminine without stylin' often? 


Low Maintenance Gal

Dear Gal,
Absolutely! I'll use myself as the example: I don't take a shower everyday (very European). I'm not dating so you know what that means...I am turning into my own Chia Pet! I wait until my gray roots are 2 inches wide before I visit the salon. As for pedicures, I only have them in the summer. Having said all that, I still reek of femininity (at least I hope that's what it is). You, my smart girl, already knew the answer when you wrote "feel." 
Beautiful LMG, don't think twice about your femininity. Just know this, how we feel on the inside, without fail, will always show on the outside.
Anymore ways for LMG?


Dear Sheilah,

I have a really good friend who's unemployed and kinda fallen into a rut where they aren't really looking for work anymore or trying to do anything besides watch movies. She's a person who has dealt with depression in the past so this may potentially be a factor. How do I be a supportive friend in this situation, when I'm seeing that some of her behavior is becoming self-defeating (i.e. missing deadlines to apply for opportunities)? Is tough love the answer?

Concerned Comrade

Dear CC,
You're a good friend to feel so concerned. However, my darling, you cannot feel bad enough to make your friend feel good. I don't know how far down the rabbit hole she is but I can tell you how far I fell.
My depression was triggered by a second divorce that led to a lawsuit, where in order to keep my townhouse, I had to file for bankruptcy. Let's say that time of my life was a huge growth spurt.
I remember my sister saying to me, "just snap out of it, think positive." My reply, "don't you think I would if I could?" All I did was cry. My head felt like I was wearing football helmet.
I read Ask and It Is Given, which guides you through the emotional scale. I figured if I knew where I landed on the scale, then maybe I could find some relief (even if it was just for a minute). This is where you come in CC. You can help your friend find where she lands.
Once she can physically see her emotion, little-by-little she will work her way up. Make sure you stay grounded. It was helpful for me to hear that "this to shall pass." It took me about a year with the help of meds and Dr. Phil. Things always work out. Life is like a trampoline. Up and down, up and down. You just don't want to fall off!
We all need a little help from our friends. Help!


Dear Sheilah,

I am approaching 40 a bit faster than I would like. Certain things are still up in the air (career, love life, etc.), but there is one thing I’m sure of: never having children. I’ve never had the desire and those who know me well know that it just isn’t for me. This doesn’t mean I don’t love kids—or that I’m bad with them (I’m actually really great with kids). But sometimes I feel shamed or pitied by other women around my age. How do I let them know I will happily snuggle their little ones without feeling pangs of desire for my own?


Blissfully Childless

Dearest Blissy,
The world is not in any danger of having less children. It goes without saying, it is no one's business how you choose to use your uterus. Although some like to make it theirs.
Let's say you are asked, "why don't you want kids?" You can turn it around by saying "for all the same reasons you do." Not everyone has the same drive to have children. There are plenty of people who don't have parental instincts. We all find meaning in different ways.
Believe me BC, for a second there, they wanted your life. In the big scheme of things, does it really matter what anybody thinks about you? Or does it only matter what you think about yourself?
Alright Ms. Blissfully, go out into the world free and clear. Like you just paid off your last credit card! While the pity party has a lifetime of payments.
How many out there don't want to be fertilized?


~* Have any burning questions for me? Send 'em! dearsheilah@iconundies.com *~

Meet Sheilah: our pot-smoking, straight-talking, completely uncertified advice columnist. From seasoning humor into a cooking column, to pitching NBC game shows, Sheilah's always had a way with words. She's discovered her calling of helping others heal, through massage and writing this column. Sprinkling wisdom upon Icon readers saved her from living a boring, damp life. Sheilah is the proud mother of 2, grandmother of 3, and lives in California with her beloved yorkie, Max.