At the top of the long list of things no one tells you about your postpartum body, (I'm looking at you, insane hair loss!) is how weird and awful it is to start having sex again. All actual issues from the delivery/c-section aside, for breastfeeding women like me, hormones shift your body into a menopausal state. Ok, serious props to Mother Nature for the biological birth control. But on the flip side, being a 70-year-old woman on the inside means a sluggish sex drive, vag drier than Marco Rubio's mouth, and excessive flop sweat (to be fair, I've always been really sweaty). Also, you start watching WAY more Golden Girls (aka the original SATC).
Lately, I've been getting my awkward, geriatric vagina back on the horse. So when the mega babes at Babeland invited us to take a frisky field trip to their Soho shop (where Bey and Jay get surfboardt sex wax, NBD), I was equal parts thrilled and hesitant. You see, as much as I want to be the woman with a perfectly curated drawer of orgasmic gadgets and erotic accoutrements, sex shops intimidate the hell out of me. I'm still recovering from one particularly traumatizing excursion into a Chicago Boys Town pleasure palace 6 years ago where I knocked over an entire table of dildos and rubber fists.
But Babeland was a true feminine oasis! So fresh, inviting, and natural. Like Whole Foods for your vagina! The owners, Claire and Pamela, gave us a guided tour of pelvic floor friendly paraphernalia, Kegel counters, and 100% vegan lubes. In short, they've forever shifted the way my Blanche Devereaux and I feel about toy taverns.