written by Natalie Pattillo

Body Banter

Dribble Diaries: The Journey Pee-gins

Im a 25-year-old woman living in daily, nay, hourly fear that Ill pee myself in public. Before leaving my apartment, Ill plant my booty on the toilet at least 3 times within a 15 minute timeframe to ensure that I wont be stuck in the subway fearing that Ill wet myself in front of my fellow commuters. While pushing my sweet baby (now 4) out of my hoo-ha didnt help my pee holding probz, Ive struggled with bladder control since I was 12.

A few months ago, my worst fear came true. While I was on the train headed to work, the internal dialogue of pee panic hit full climax.

“Oh no, no, no. Not in front of all these people. If I get off 8 stops too early, I could be late to work. If I dont get off, a trainload of people will be telling their friends and co-workers that they saw a grown ass lady pissing herself on the subway. Get it together, Natalie, and GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS TRAIN.

I did. I got off of the train and panicked some more. When I exited the subway station, I hit up Starbucks. Unfortunately for me, it was a Starbucks that did not have a bathroom. My eyes started welling up with tears.

At that point, I called my boyfriend for support because I was in between a full blown panic attack and completely soggy  jeans. Or both really. And while Ive dealt with a few public panic attacks, I wouldnt be able to cope after urinating myself. He helped by pulling up Google maps. Every 10 seconds passing meant a tiny trickle had too.

Thankfully, I remembered that I had a New York Sports Club membership. Phew, there was one about 500 feet away from where I was frenziedly pacing. I rushed in and announced to the receptionist that I really had to pee. I made it!!! I leaked, but I made it!!!

But seriously, no one should live in fear or silence because of incontinence. One in three women experience it at some point in their lives. And heres the thing, age isnt a factor. Sadly, women are shamed far too often on our body performance. Our bodies are incredible and dope. They are, most importantly, ours to own.As you can imagine, when I was offered a full-time spot on team Icon , I was ecstatic, empowered, and relieved (but I didn’t relieve myself!). Pee-proof underwear has been a total game-changer for me. And I want to spread the good word to all the fierce women who feel ashamed or fearful of their beautiful, overactive bladders.  

So I’m embarking on a journey. A journey I will share with you, fellow leakers. A journey to fix (or at least improve) my dribble ‘sitch.  I’ll be trying pelvic floor therapy, Mayan Abdominal massage, even eating weird herbs and visiting, shall we say, *less traditional* healers. Stay with me as I share my mission to gain control of my bladder and exist fear-free in public spaces!

*~Have questions, suggestions, or anything specific you want me to try? Send me a note! Natalie@shethinx.com~*